NCFSFA - Suicide is not an Option


HOME	Suicide is not an Option 25 Reasons to Avoid Suicide, by Susan Dion (brochure available)
Back to Top Back to Top Back to Top Back to Top Back to Top Back to Top Back to Top	As a person with CFS/FM, I faced a serious depression by the eighth month of oppressive, intolerable flu symptoms. My life had been turned inside out and upside down. The depression was an unwelcome first in my life. It was a dreary, defeating, dangerous, dark tunnel. Thankfully, I received good care for the depression. And, although vestiges of it lingered for several years, it was eventually overcome. This was true even though the restrictive limits, the bone-crunching pain, and the debilitating flu-like symptoms remained. I am so glad my doctor sent me to a life-affirming psychiatrist (rather than to a life-defeating pathologist like Dr. Kevorkian). Later, a superb psychologist continued to assist me in learning how to better cope and live with this awful illness. Similar to getting help for allergies, sleep disruptions, pain, arrhythmias, hypertension, mitral valve prolapse, etc., I sought care for the emotional tidal waves of sadness, depression, loss and other difficult and confusing responses to a tough illness. I wanted so desperately to learn how one lives with such heavy sickness and limits. I persevered. Indeed, over time, I've even flourished in some ways — despite the constraints of the illness. For several days in late August 1996, I pondered with great anger and sadness the suicides of several individuals with CFS. What a waste of human life! What a terrible tragedy for the family, friends, and other loved ones left behind! In order to provide a constructive way to think through the raw emotions, I started a list of reasons to avoid suicide and champion courage — in spite of the disruptive, life-changing pain and symptoms of CFS/FM. The fragments of the list formed in my mind. Only later did I attempt to write the thoughts down. I propose we all create and share powerful lists that reject suicide as an option. We need to help each other through the despair and darkness of depression in whatever small ways are open to us. 25 Reasons to Avoid Suicide: Suicide is too horrible a legacy to inflict upon your family, friends and other loved ones. For children — whether age 3 or 23 — the suicide of a parent is a blacker-than-black tragedy. They cannot ever truly recover from such a loss. Suicide leaves deep canyons of pain, sorrow, and chaos for each person touched. Each and every day, the survivors will be haunted by "why?" We cannot inflict that kind of pain on others. The symptoms may improve. The illness may even resolve itself. It has happened to others — many of whom also experienced periods of despair and hopelessness in the midst of life-wrenching sickness. There is much room for hope. There are always new and better ways to learn to live with the losses, limits, and pain imposed by sickness. Each individual can look forward to mastering new coping skills in order to improve his or her life with illness. Indeed, you can throw yourself into learning such skills. You can consciously choose to live better and smarter — in spite of awful symptoms. You can seek help. Your experiences in learning to successfully live with illness may assist others in similarly mastering such approaches. You can help. You can generously give to those who are still struggling. You have much to offer. New and better treatments may be found next week, next month, or next year. You'll want to be the beneficiary of such gains. You need to be here to benefit. There are new people yet to enter your life — people you'll appreciate, cherish and love. These might include a grandchild, a special friend, a delightful neighbor, an intimate soulmate, a lover, a long-distance pal, an unexpected child (your own, a friend's, a sibling's or one you tutor), and more. It is one of life's great magical mysteries to welcome new people into our lives. This is true even when one is homebound, or bedbound, or severely restricted. A cause or causes for the illness may be uncovered sometime in the near future. Your innate curiosity requires that you find the answers. As different pieces of the puzzle are put in place by researchers, one sees the momentum for further significant advances. And, finding the causes will lead to a cure. There is so much more to enjoy: more sunsets and sunrises, more garden tomatoes, more films, more food, more friendships, more creative pursuits, perhaps some travel, more books, more, more, more . . . You may contribute to significant medical research by volunteering to participate in scientific studies. If you're unable to do so, or if you don't fit the research criteria, you can encourage others to participate. These volunteers are absolutely essential to finding cause and cure. The value cannot be overstated. We're all in this together. You may be needed to offer a crucial piece of advice to a loved one or a friend facing a crisis. You've got to be there to do so — regardless if it's next week or 10 years from today. You want to be there for them. Suicide is selfish, cowardly and loathsome. We must repeat to ourselves and others: "Suicide is not an option. Suicide is not an option." You'll be needed to sustain others: your parents, partner, children, grandchildren, larger family, friends, pets, other patients, a stranger at the bus stop, still yet unknown companions, and more. Suicide does not promote advocacy or activism. It does not help others to learn about the illness. Suicide kills. Depression can be overcome. While it is a common response to debilitating, life-changing illness and disruptive pain, it is treatable. Time, counseling, medications, support, self-love, and prayer all contribute to a successful battle over depression. Many, many people have made it through the darkest depths of depression. They've gone on to live and love. There is light at the end of the darkest tunnel. There is life with sickness — even when one is paralyzed from the neck down and a respirator is required to breathe. Each person is valuable. Each individual is filled with promise. Each human being has a multitude of gifts to share with the world. This is true even when we're uncertain as to our purpose and abilities at any given time. It will come — with courage, persistence, and patience. Suicide lays waste to the value, promise and gifts one has to share. Forever. There are more smiles yet to enjoy. There is much more laughter to embrace. Suicide hurts everyone. It does not aid anyone. Living on offers so many possibilities. There are so many angles of life to watch unfold. There are many, many stories in progress (including our own) to follow. What will happen by 2015 or later — to family and friends, to the neighborhood, to the nation? What will be discovered about our illness and other poorly-understood medical problems? Will Liam Neeson and Will Smith still be making movies? Will I be symptom-free? Will the Phillies make it to another World Series? Will I be able to be more physically active? Will we finally elect a woman as president of the United States? Will I have less oppressive daily "flu" symptoms? Will my children have children? Will parts of California be lost under the sea? Will I be able to resume gainful employment? Will UConn continue to foster powerhouse women's and men's basketball teams? I want to know how zillions of stories unfold. More importantly, I want to be around to observe, reflect, and participate in whatever ways are open to me. We are all a part of many stories. Suicide is bad P.R. It confuses the public. Suicide is the result of lousy judgment rooted in depression and pain. It cannot be blamed on insensitive doctors, unsupportive friends, lack of a cure, and failures by others. While all of these things may exacerbate emotional lows, suicide is the decision of one individual. If that individual were ill with CFS or FM, but not suffering from depression, that person would never choose suicide. It would be incomprehensible. We need to do a better job acknowledging and receiving help for depression in its earliest stages. We need to help each other. Do not confuse living with doing. Life is also be-ing. A rich life is possible even in the midst of dismal symptoms. (Read M. Scott Peck's book, A Bed by the Window.) You would not counsel a loved one living with a difficult, lengthy illness to give up and die. You would not tell a person living with CFS or FM that she or he is of no value and therefore is not worthy of living. You wouldn't pick up the phone and solicit help from "Dr. Death" just because a person faces depression while suffering with a painful, debilitating illness. No. You'd compassionately urge your loved one to value his or her self — despite the rotten, despicable illness. You would fight relentlessly to have the person find a ray of hope. You would seek assistance and intervention from professionals. You'd recount how you and others have made it beyond the darkness. Counsel yourself in the same loving, life-affirming manner in which you would counsel another. Disability rights activists have several slogans, one of which labels Kevorkian as a "serial killer." Another is a dog tag which requests that "no expense be spared" to keep you alive. The philosophical and political slants are readily apparent. It is wrong to judge a person as "unfit" to live because of horrific, ugly, painful illnesses. Don't succumb to false images of what it means to lead a "normal" life. Find strength and inspiration in the stories of so many severely disabled persons who courageously pursue life's challenges and joys. Get mad. Get angry. Suicide ends life. It's terminal. About the Author: Susan Dion resides in rural southern New Jersey. She's been ill since 1989, but continues on with hope and strength. For More Information: Information is available from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), an institute of the National Institutes of Health, on disorders of the brain, understanding the brain, understanding mental illness, depression, etc. Order from: NIMH Information Resources and Inquiries Branch 5600 Fishers Lane, Room 7C-02 Rockville, MD 20857 Phone (301) 443-4513 Toll-free information on depression: 1-800-421-4211 Toll-free information on panic: 1-800-64-PANIC www.nimh.nih.gov Brochure prepared and distributed by the National Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia Association * Brochure may be reproduced provided source is credited *